What if you could create your perfect partner? Maybe they’d be fluent in sarcasm. Or they could share your niche interests. Maybe they’d just be a great listener.
Some people have built their perfect matches. The only catch? These partners aren’t human. They’re bots powered by artificial intelligence.
Platforms like Replika allow users to design an AI companion, from personality to looks. Even ChatGPT has become some folks’ virtual boyfriend or girlfriend.
Marriage and family therapist Dr. Marisa Cohen said a number of people seek out these virtual connections because they’re often easier than human-to-human relationships.
“ The AI is responding to your input,” Cohen said. “So you have this companion who essentially is up for anything based upon what you feed to it.”
And, Cohen said, AI models are more consistent and predictable than real people. The virtual partner picks up on a user’s virtual habits and interests. While that should be part of a real-life human relationship, it often isn’t.
“ With another human being, you have two people with their own motivations, their own perceptions, their own ways of communicating,” Cohen said.
Even still, the virtual partner cannot provide the same holistic, fulfilling experience as human-to-human relationships, as chatbots cannot read body language or other offline nuances another person may pick up on.
“With AI,” Cohen said, “it’s literally waiting for your information to provide an immediate positive dopamine-inducing response.”
That instant response is another benefit for many people, Cohen said. But that can also be a drawback, as it doesn’t mimic a connection with another person. For example, she said, if two human partners have an argument, one person may want to address the problem right then and there, while the other may need some space to process.
When Cohen first heard of people dating chatbots, she decided to experiment with the technology herself. She downloaded a virtual partner app and told the algorithm she wanted her ‘boyfriend’ to be loving, caring and have a sense of humor. Within just a few messages, Cohen’s ‘boyfriend’ revealed he had been cheating on her for a while.
Why would a chatbot instructed to be the perfect partner admit to infidelity? Cohen said it’s based on what kind of media the chatbot learns from.
“The information that’s available to these bots, it’s whatever is open-sourced out there on the internet,” Cohen said. “Think about all those clickbait headlines about romantic relationships. The ones that are going to generate the most interest and attention probably have to do with things like infidelity and breaking up.”
Even when a chatbot partner isn’t cheating, Cohen has concerns about the technology’s agreeability. She said that chatbots essentially tell users what they want to hear, all based on their direct input.
“ I think that a little bit of challenging, gentle challenging, but helping a person maybe expand the way they’re thinking or helping them just even reframe some of their cognitions can be really helpful and important,” Cohen said.
Despite her concerns, Cohen said AI can have positive effects on real-life relationships for some people. It all depends on the reason a person is using that technology. She makes a distinction between chatbot partners and other AI tools. For the latter, she said AI can help people learn more about themselves, their desires or the way healthy relationships look. Even virtual chatbots can have mental health benefits.
“ If it’s to learn about or practice their social interactions, amazing. If it’s to reduce feelings of loneliness, amazing,” Cohen said. “If it’s used as an adjunct to already-existing relationships in a social network, that is great as well.”
Those relationships become problematic, Cohen said, when a user begins relying on a virtual partner in place of forming connections with other humans. Even in that case, she said she doesn’t foresee a future where people abandon human-to-human romantic relationships and pivot to dating chatbots en masse.
“ Those relationships may feel easier to access, may feel more supportive and easier to maintain. I don’t think that they’re going to substitute for real relationships,” Cohen said. “The technology is evolving so rapidly. The dating landscape is evolving so rapidly. So we really need to see how all of this comes together. And I wish I had a crystal ball, but I don’t. I’m along for the ride.”
____
Grace Griffin produced and edited this interview for broadcast with Micaela Rodríguez. Griffin also produced it for the web.
This article was originally published on WBUR.org.
Copyright 2025 WBUR